What He Doesn't Know
by Tori Lynn Leblanc
Summary: Mikoto doesn't keep any secrets from Akira. They're best friends. But there's one big secret that Akira's keeping to himself, and it's tearing him apart. Mikoto/Akira. Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**So, hello there, Princess Princess fanbase! I just want to take a moment to say that Princess Princess was my very first borderline-BL anime, and I'll forever love it for making me want to read my very first yaoi fanfiction (which was Yuujirou and Tooru, of course!). After oscillating for months and months and months about what sort of Yuujirou/Tooru fic I wanted to write, I just decided to hell with all of that and write a fanfic from the shared POVs of Mikoto and Akira, who I find incredibly adorable in every way. (Although I **_**do **_**want to write for Tomoe/Kiriya someday!) Anyway, excuse my rambling. I hope you enjoy the first chapter of this fanfic.~ Let me know what you think!**

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I am _not_ gay.

There's nothing about me that could be interpreted to be homosexual even in the slightest.

I don't like men, guys, boys, penis, or whatever clever way used to beat around the bush… the burning bush whose smoke inhabits my lungs with each inhale and threatens to suffocate me if I'm not careful.

Those first three statements are only as true as everyone else believes, though. When it comes right down to it, when you're in _my_ position, what other people think really does matter… Allow me to explain.

I'm Mikoto Yutaka, an ex-princess, and that one fact alone is enough to put me in court and convict me of being gay. No prosecutor and no jury, just a judge called _my whole school_.

There's simply _no such thing _as a straight princess. Not here, anyway. As far back as anyone can remember, the princess or princesses were always behind the curtain sucking someone off. Everyone, of course, knows former class president Arisada wasn't straight – there was just no way, and everyone who knew the lofty, eccentric graduate would agree. It was common knowledge, too, that the president slept around enough in his time as his curly-haired peer watched sadly from afar…

And then there was my generation of princesses. Seniors, we are now, and we're tutoring the newest princesses at the moment, but I'll get to that in a minute.

There's me, of course. I'm the obligatory pouty-faced cutie who'll struggle until you're in all the way. (Take that as you may.) Then comes Yuujirou Shihoudani, my arch-nemesis and best friend. The crafty bastard is the king of pushing my buttons, and he'll take any opportune moment to make me mad at him. There's a part of me that really… doesn't mind it, though. _Maybe_. But of course, I'd never admit that to him. Even if I was tied to a railroad track and held at gunpoint.

Tooru Kouno was the last to join our trio. He was a new transfer student, and Yuujirou immediately put an invisible wedding ring on his finger. He shared a room with Tooru, even, and lord only knows what happened in that room with them last year… I don't even want to think about it.

(Not to say I don't approve of their relationship… I just prefer to keep mental images of a disheveled Tooru calling out Yuujirou's name _clear_ from my mind, thankyouverymuch.)

And even though those two kept their relationship a "secret" for almost a whole school year, nearly every guy at this school knew, and no one cared or said anything about it.

Tooru took the job as a princess as a financial support for attending this school, but he stayed because, well obviously. He was always the most positive of the three of us, even with a fake-ass smile plastered across my face. That was one of Tooru's quirks; it was the character he played in our roles as princesses.

Tooru was the positive, happy-go-lucky girl with a "do-your-best" attitude 24/7. Yuujirou was the catty, mischievous, naughty girl who would blindfold you while you were turned around and fondle you or some other weird shit like that, even if he looked innocent on the inside. And, like I said before, much to my dismay, I was the adorable one who they all knew secretly loved her job. Totally horrifying, I'm telling you.

Anyway, that's my story so far. So last year ended and we hung up our wigs. This year there are two new victims… Their names are Tomoe Izumi and Kiriya Matsuoka, and they're (like we were) an odd pair. One's from a rich family and the other is an poor, orphaned boy, rather bright. I feel sort of bad that he got roped into this, but like Tooru last year, he probably needs the money.

And because of all this princess crap, I'm just _assumed_ to be gay by the rest of the freaking school. It's not like I could've said no! It's an obligation! Just because I have a pretty face does **not** make me gay.

But it doesn't matter what I think. It never, ever matters what poor little Mikoto thinks.

Everyone will still form opinions of their own and they'll just assume that since I wore frilly dresses and donned long curly hair for a year, that I suck cock and like to bake brownies while I watch _What Not To Wear_. That just isn't me, and nobody but me gets it.

I don't even _bother_ to ask the republic of male students at my school. The lot of them'll just ask me for my princess smile and run off to the bathrooms to jerk off to it. Yuujirou and Tooru are always eyeing me like they don't believe I'm really straight. They treat me like I was lying about having a girlfriend last year.

Oh yeah, did I mention that? I dated a girl for a while last year, Manami. We broke up in the spring (and it's the end of summer now), but that's proof enough that I'm straight, isn't it?

I think there's only one person in the entire school that believes me, and that's Akira Sakamoto. He's sort of my best friend most of the time, for that reason and another; usually my _other_ two friends are off somewhere on a cutesy romantic gate. Once they even asked me and Sakamoto-san to join them when they went out, but I'd said I was busy right away. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about Sakamoto-san and me. We're seriously just friends. Both straight.

Anyway, Sakamoto-san in the class president now, and practically everyone but me refers to him as the great "Sakamoto-sama". There's no way I would call him that. We're friends. I've known him ever since I got to this school. I don't think he minds.

But… come to think of it, I guess I've never asked Akira directly if he's straight… But isn't that one of those things you can just assume? That they're straight? I mean, people always say you shouldn't assume things about people. So maybe I should ask, to be a good friend. I'm positive that he likes girls anyway. There's no way he couldn't.

I mean… I'd be able to figure out if he _were_ gay, which he definitely _isn't_. He'd be all floating around and really glittery, like that western singer guy, Adam Lambert. Well, I guess that Tooru and Yuujirou aren't really like that… but Sakamoto-san isn't anything like them, either.

But regardless of that, I guess that I can't deny we're all pretty good friends. Somehow, a couple summers ago, Tooru and Yuujirou started calling Sakamoto-san by his first name, so it's sort of like they're closer, but there's no way that's true. Sakamoto-san knows practically everything about me… there's only a few things he _doesn't_ know.

Like, maybe… hmm, I can't really think of anything after all. Is is a little weird to share so many secrets with another guy? Well… maybe just a little. But I jut never had any close friends as a little kid. At least none I could tell my secrets to. Sakamoto-san's the closest friend I've ever had.

But maybe… Maybe that's what he doesn't know.

I've never told him how much he means to me.

I don't think so, at least.

I mean, I don't even call him by his first name, much less a fruity nickname like Aki-kun or something. Maybe I should try telling him how good a friend he is. Would he think that's gay, though? Guys don't really have close friends.

I guess I don't care much if it sounds kinda gay. No one else is hearing this, anyway. Sakamoto-san is my closest friend and he means a lot to me. But that's what he doesn't know.

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**Sorry if it seems a tad boring so far, but every fic has to start somewhere, right? I totally love writing from Mikoto's POV, though. He's so funny. Make sure you guys tell me what you think! I know the Princess Princess fanbase isn't huge, so I'm hoping that I get at least **_**some**_** readers. Later gators! The next chapter should be up within the next couple days!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back, with chapter two! I plan to switch back and forth POVs from Mikoto to Akira with each chapter, so don't be confused. Meaning all odd numbers should be Mikoto, and even numbers should be Akira. I'll try and make them different enough in perspective that you can tell right away, though. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (It's Akira's POV!)**

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I can't do it.

I just can't tell him.

If he knew then he wouldn't be my friend.

He's already made it perfectly clear how he feels about people like me. It's not like he's told me any gut-wrenching stories about how he pounded the hell out of some guy that gave him a provocative glance. He's told me a lot before that he's fine with gay people… but he wants nothing to do with what they do. In other words, if he knew that I'm gay, he'd leave me. I'll be alone again.

Of course, I'm talking about Mikoto Yutaka.

I don't have a lot of close friends. The only ones, really, are the ex-princess. Mikoto is one of them. The other two are Tooru and Yuujirou, who're dating… quite openly now, I think. They tried to hide it as best they could, last year… They didn't really know that it didn't go so well, and that everybody knew anyway, but they tried for the sake of the princesses. They seem pretty out there now, though. They hold hands in the halls and everything. It makes me smile a little every time I see them. It almost makes me wish…

There's no denying what I really am, but there's hiding it for sure.

Lucky for me, Mikoto's never asked me right out about my sexuality. He probably just assumes I'm straight… but I don't care. I'm always completely honest with him; it's sort of a curse. I know I couldn't lie to him if he asked me. That's why I'm so lucky.

It's not only that, but… as if it could get any worse, I've been "thinking" about Mikoto a lot lately. Not that I don't already think of him, but a specific kind of thinking, really… I don't want to go into it. It makes me feel like a bad friend.

That's the last thing I want.

I try to always be a really good friend, especially to Mikoto. He doesn't seem to open up to anyone. Besides, his other friends are gay, and _they_ don't hide it. They might invite him to hang out sometimes, but he doesn't want to stand around and watch them cuddle all the time, so he doesn't go. It makes me feel so bad.

Regardless of the fact that I'm practically his only friend, I don't think I mean that much to him. I didn't hang out with him as much as I did with Tooru and Yuujirou last year because he was always so busy with his girlfriend. They broke up a while ago, though. I remember that clearly. That was the first and only time I ever saw Mikoto cry.

(That secretly tore me apart. I hated it. I loathe seeing people cry.)

He was pretty broken at first, but me and Tooru and Yuujirou taped him up again. He wouldn't admit it, but we all knew that he was the one that got dumped. To this day, I still don't know the reason that girl broke up with him. Yuujirou claims the whole girlfriend thing was a hoax to get us to think he's not gay, but I don't really believe that. Mikoto is definitely straight…

He wouldn't tell any of us about the breakup, though, which leads me to assume that it was ugly. But Megumi seemed so nice, and what kind of idiot would she have to be to break up with Mikoto? He seemed to be such a gentleman to her, and on top of that he's so cute and polite…

Well, there I go again. So I guess I'll just change the subject, now. I'm not going to let myself go down that path.

Oh, I forgot to mention… For being so respected and honored throughout my school (me being the President), I'm really humble, almost to a fault. I guess it could even be called an inferiority complex, maybe. (It's a pretty big part of who I am as a person, I guess…) I think it's because of my family.

I have a pretty big one. Err… family, that is. Any they're all movie-star beautiful… stunning, really. When you see them all together, it's like a secret treasury of beauty. People stare and they wonder if they're being filmed for TV… and then they see me. I'm like the ugly duckling, if I had to assign myself a fairy tale. I'm… kind of weird-looking. Definitely the odd one out, and people notice. They whisper their questions of, "Is he adopted?" or "A family friend, perhaps?" But no, I'm just the ugly one… well, the average one. The normal one. But compare me to my family and I'm hard to look at.

I tried not to let it get to me as a kid, but it kind of depresses me sometimes, you know? It's not good for a person to be ostracized so much…

Not to say my family rejects me or anything like that. They're nice to me. They love me. They pay attention to me. (In fact, upon first glance, my older brother Harumi appears to have a weird infatuation with me…) I'm just so different from them. _They_ don't separate themselves from me, everyone else does. It's like, in public, I can't be a part of their family. I've learned to deal with it, but it still makes me feel bad, sometimes.

Oops, I guess I spent too long complaining… I try not to play the victim too much. I don't have a bad life or anything. Loving family, great friends… and well, that's about it. I have my presidency too, I guess, but that doesn't really mean much to me.

Maybe I'd do better if I tried to date someone… I mean, I've never gone out with anyone before, not even a date. No girlfriends, no boyfriends. Just friends.

But… would I ever even want a relationship? And, more importantly, would another person really want a relationship with me? I'm not amazingly gorgeous like the rest of my family, and my inferiority complex (though well-hidden when I'm playing the President) gets in the way of a lot of things…

I definitely know one thing, though. If someone were to love me, and to give me their loyalty and their affection as a lover, I'd commit myself to them however possible. Whatever that included, I'd do. I'd jump at the chance to make someone happy, because I can't stand to see anyone unhappy.

Especially…

Especially if that person was…

him.

But it never would be, never could be.

I sound like a school girl in a TV drama. I might as well be sitting in a field of Forget-Me-Not's picking the petals one by one. "He loves me, he loves me not."

I think I might, possibly, be in love with my best friend.

But he doesn't know.

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**So, most of this fanfiction was written in my fifth period Biology class because the teacher goes REALLY REALLY slow and I have about a million years between the steps of whatever we're doing to do whatever **_**I**_** want to do. It's pretty darn convenient. Sometimes we don't even do anything at all. So naturally, I'm in class writing yaoi fanfiction most of the time. Fortunately, both the teacher and my peers have yet to catch me in the act. Let's hope I'm this lucky all year round! In other news, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to review! (NO ONE HAS YET?) Have a yaoi-tastic day~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is, chapter three! This chapter was a little sad for me to write, but y'know. Haha, I wrote most of this in my fifth period whilst texting my friend and listening to the Rocky Horror soundtrack on my iPod. Gee, my biology teacher is great. Thank **_**her**_** for this chapter. (And remember, Mikoto's POV once again!)**

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I've been thinking about it, and… I guess it wouldn't hurt to explain why my girlfriend and I broke up… Talking about it sucks, but they say it's good to talk about that kind of stuff, so… here goes nothing.

Megumi and I had a date planned one Saturday afternoon. She said she would meet me outside my school, which was weird. She lives pretty far from the school, so usually I met her somewhere that was closer for her. Anyway, the time that we'd agreed on was eleven in the morning, so at that time I left my dorm to go to the front of the school.

She was waiting there for me when I arrived, and I smiled. Her offering to come all this way was really sweet. She didn't smile back, though. When I approached her, I immediately inquired what was wrong. She almost always had a smile for me.

"Megumi, is everything okay?" I asked worriedly, and now she smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, though.

"Mikoto-kun," she began, "I want to break up. I'm sorry." My heart jumped into my throat at once, and I can't imagine my face. We had been going out for over a year and I couldn't think of any reason that she would want to break up.

"Wh…what?" I said quietly, in a sort of shock. "Why?" She'd told me many times before that she loved me, so what was this all of the sudden?

"Honestly?" she asked, and I nodded, paying careful attention to what she was saying. "Mikoto-kun, I… I think… I think you're gay."

"What?" I growled immediately. "What kind of weird accusation is that?" I became instinctually angry at this, but I couldn't control that then. My voice was raised. "I'm going out with a _girl_, aren't I?" I felt a little cautious. What was she trying to say, anyway?

Megumi's eyes were stern. I remembered her saying a while back that she didn't like being yelled at… whoops.

"Face it, why don't you?" she said fiercely, and I felt like a dog being scolded. I had my tail between my legs. Megumi continued. You're in a dress and a wig most of the day and you hang out with those _fags_—"

I became enraged at once and interrupted her. "_Don't_ call them that," I warned, a rigid and aggressive anger beginning to emerge from inside of me.

"Your other two 'princess' friends and that quiet-as-hell little weird-looking creep Sakamoto…"

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed, and I didn't care anymore. People were staring and Megumi looked absolutely enraged, but it didn't seem to be relevant. What side of her was this? She'd been so polite before and had nothing but good things to say about my friends. Was this what she had been thinking the whole time?

I shook my head. "You're unbelievable," I said, and all she did was laugh as I turned around and began to walk away. I felt like I was going to cry, and there was _no_ way I'd let her see that. I wouldn't tell Tooru or Yuujirou what happened, or Sakamoto-san, either. They actually saw me cry for a few minutes, though…

But even while they watched the tears pour out of my eyes and they heard me sob (it obviously was a lapse in my manliness, but I had an excuse…), I refused to share the reason we'd broken up. To be honest, I was the most upset about what she had called my friends, all the bad things she said about them right to my face. I was still in shock… Maybe I still am, to this day.

There was just no way I could admit that my girlfriend had just dumped me because she thought I was _gay_. Before that whole fight, even though I was a princess, I never really thought that anyone perceived me as gay. It sounds a little silly, yeah, but it's true. I mean, I was happily taken by a girl, and I thought that was enough… apparently not, though.

I've watched drama TV shows where they said that just because a guy has a girlfriend, it doesn't mean he's really straight.

But that's definitely not me.

But… technically now I don't even have a girlfriend…

I had known Megumi before I start going to this school, but I think I've met maybe only… two other girls since I came here. (Excluding those I'd seen during my breaks when I went home.) So really, it's not like I've had an opportunity to start dating anyone else. Otherwise, I'm sure I would be going out with _someone_…

I'd like to think I'm a decently likeable guy. I try and be polite and charming most of the time… so I think if I could meet girls, I'd definitely be in a relationship right now. I wonder how most of the guys at this school deal with not being around women…

Actually, that's a lie. I don't wonder it at all, I know exactly how they deal with it. They stalk the princesses and jerk off to them when they think no one's looking. Like, in the shower rooms, I always see guys over in the corner. They think they're being really discreet about everything, trying to make it look like they're just washing up, but they've actually got their hand around their dick and they're moaning quietly, calling out the princess' names… I've even heard my own name come from them before… It's pretty damn disturbing. It makes me feel like crawling into a hole.

But it's… it's not like I purposely listen to them or watch them! It's completely out of my control! It's their fault for masturbating in a fucking _public shower_…

The weirdest part is that I asked Tooru and Yuujirou if they'd ever seen something like that before, and they both said they hadn't. Well, they live in a different dorm, after all… maybe the guys in their dorm are less… perverted… Or maybe I'm just more observant… or something…

Well, uh… anyway.

I guess the guys that aren't claiming to be straight as they get off to thoughts of cross dressing men are actually gay, and they've taken the ultimate form of adaptation to a school like this. Tooru and Yuujirou sure took to this rather quickly… I guess, to each their own, though.

Hm… maybe I should try asking Sakamoto-san about it sometime. He seems to be pretty indifferent toward relationships most of the time. He might just be the kind of guy who puts school before anything. I've known plenty of them.

Or maybe… What if Sakamoto-san was secretly gay?

Just kidding. I know that isn't the case. I'd definitely be able to tell if Sakamoto-san were gay. If he were gay, I know he would've done something weird by now… like kiss me, try to hold my hand, hug me, sit really close to me so that our thighs touch…

Well, actually, he _does_ do that last one sometimes, but that's beside the point. That's just an accident anyway.

I'm an amazingly handsome stud to both men and women, I just know it. So if Sakamoto-san were gay, he'd be all over me. Definitely. After all, who could ever resist this face? No one, that's who.

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**I liked writing the second half of this chapter quite a lot. xD It was rather amusing. Sorry it's been so long since I updated, I've just been UBER busy with school. And being sick or dizzy and making up homework from those days. Or just being fucking LAZY and not bothering to open up Word to type up new chapters that are sitting in my notebook or on the back of worksheets… Um, anyways, so, you guys should review! I want to know if I'm doing a good job with these perspectives so far! Thanks much~ I love you guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

**It's been a while since I updated this fanfic! I've been busy with some of my other fics. My schoolwork and my pixelling and my laziness have also been a part of not updating. Anyhow, here's the new chapter! Akira's POV.~**

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My friendship with Mikoto may very well be on the line. It only took a few short questions for me to get completely scared out of my wits (if ever I could claim to have any to begin with) and I had to flee before I said any more stupid (truthful) things.

During lunch, instead of eating at our usual spot in the cafeteria, we took our food to one of the many fountains on campus. Mikoto told me he wanted to eat here instead because he had a headache and didn't feel like listening to the loudness of where we usually sat, and of course I wasn't going to say no to him, whether what he said about the headache was true or not. It certainly didn't look true.

Anyway, we sat on one of the benches next the fountain. The wind had been blowing earlier so the cement seat of the bench was cold and a little damp from the vapor of the fountain. One end of the bench was soaked completely—almost half of it—so I had to sit a little closer to Mikoto than I thought might be safe. Of course, I tried my best to act natural, but maybe my attempts weren't enough. My whole left side was pressed against his right, and I'm sure I must've been a little twitchy at the contact…

"Hey, Sakamoto-san," Mikoto said, staring down at the sandwich he'd brought like it was an interesting point of focus. The way he spoke, sounding curious and maybe a little nervous, made my heart jump and I felt myself nearly choke silently on the rice in my mouth. Thankfully, the small grains were able to slide down my throat inconspicuously, and that wasn't how I made a scene.

I cleared my throat a little to be safe and replied, "Yes?"

"How do you deal with never seeing any girls? Don't you ever get lonely? Or wish that you had a girlfriend to talk to instead of guys all the time?"

My chopsticks loosened from my grip but didn't fall. I could tell from Mikoto's tone of voice that he was very serious, and I got nervous quickly. I wasn't sure how to respond to him.

"Wh…what do you mean…?" I asked him lamely. His questions were perfectly clear, but I needed to buy some time for me to think. I wouldn't—_couldn't —_let him find out about the reason I didn't desire the company of girls. I'd lose my best friend.

"Well, I mean, everybody seems to have a way of dealing with only being around men all the time," he began, and I listened to him carefully, trying to think of something I could say to change the subject. "A lot of guys love the princesses, however fucking messed up it is. Some are just plain gay, like Tooru and Yuujirou. I guess some probably have long-distance girlfriends, like I did…" He paused and took a breath. "But I don't have anyone anymore, and I don't know how to deal without some kind of contact with girls. You always keep your cool, Sakamoto-san. How do you do it?"

I hadn't expected such a long, heartfelt answer, and I felt myself flush a little. I don't think I keep my cool that well… On the inside, at least, I'm freaking out.

At that point, I'd thought of something that wouldn't exactly be a _lie_, but isn't the whole truth either.

"I-I've never had a girlfriend…" I told him quietly, using my chopsticks to poke around at my bento, which I was no longer hungry for; my stomach had fallen with anxiety. "I don't really know what it's like to go out with somebody, so I don't r-really get lonely like that very much…" The part about not getting lonely? Clearly a lie—but a little white one.

"Is that all there is to it?" he asked me, and as I felt his eyes fall on me I turned my head a little to look at him. So much for keeping my cool: my heart began to pound like crazy. "Aren't you interested in girls at all, though?" I could tell by the desperate tone of his voice what he was asking and it made me shake.

"No," I said finally, after what felt like an hour of silence. "Mikoto, I'm gay. I'm sorry." My voice shook as I told him the truth, and I stood up abruptly, abandoning my barely-eaten lunch at the bench next to my friend. I felt like I was going to vomit, so I ran off, leaving Mikoto silent behind me. He didn't call after me like they always do in anime, and I didn't look back.

I ended up escaping back to the school building. I was feeling far less nauseous by the time I entered my next class, but I was a good twenty minutes early for the start of it. Only then did I realize that I had none of my school supplies with me still, and I exited the classroom awkwardly and wandered outside the building again, wondering if I should go back to the fountain and grab my bag. I had a lecture in one of my classes that I had to attend and take notes on, so skipping the rest of the day just wouldn't work.

To my relief/delight, when I found myself within eyeshot of the fountain, it was abandoned. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach again just thinking about how stupid I'd been not to lie, but I grabbed my bag from off the ground next to the bench and threw it over my shoulder. My lunch was nowhere to be found; perhaps Mikoto had taken it, thinking I wouldn't come back. I didn't feel too worried about such a trivial matter, though.

When I found myself at my desk in the classroom once again, I pulled out my books and pencils and tried to drown myself in my studies. I didn't see Mikoto for the rest of the day, for which I was extremely glad.

I have no idea what's going to happen when I see him next. Or… what if I never see him again? Will he just avoid me? Somewhere in the back of my naïve heart, I can feel myself wishing he'd come to me and tell me he forgives me, or loves me, or something borderline-amazing line that. I'm smarter than that, though; I know it won't happen. But it still makes my heart flutter a little bit.

I know Mikoto isn't gay. He could never be gay. Only a person who was completely secure about their sexuality could wear a dress so much and not be thrown off at every possible angle…

And now I'm rambling…

I'll never be able to forgive myself if what I said makes Mikoto never talk to me again. Or worse… what if he says he hates me?

I can't approach him first. I want to apologize… but how can I apologize to him for something I can't control? I'm not sorry for being gay… but I _will_ be sorry if it makes my best friend hate me. I don't know if I can ever change it, but if it's to get Mikoto to stay with me, maybe I could just… ignore it.

Maybe that's crazy…

Or maybe I'm just out of my mind…

Or the third option, which is at the same time the most and least appealing of all: I love him. I'm _in_ love with him. In theory, anyway…

I feel like I need to talk to somebody about this… I never see Tooru, but I could talk to Yuujirou in gym class. Maybe I'll give it a try… He might be able to help me. He… he knows how to be gay.

Err… well… He knows what it's like to be in love with another guy, I guess.

I'll talk to Yuujirou about my problem, then… and in the meantime try not to cry when I think about how dumb I was to say anything.

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**The end of the chapter was a tad emo on Akira's part, which was a little sad to write. I just have to get back into the groove of this fic. Make sure you go check out AppleLove.~ She's the one who's been bugging me to write more for this, so thank her for the chapter, lmao. Anyway, don't forget to review! Let me know how you like where it's going so far. I know exactly where everything is going to go from here, I think.**


	5. Chapter 5

Wait… what? I still don't know if I believe it.

Sakamoto-san is… gay?

I guess it's true, but… I'm having a hard time coming to terms with it. It's true because he told me so; he told me face to face.

So he… likes men? That's crazy. I wonder if he's actually dating a guy, then… or if he likes anyone… But if I believe him when he says he's… well, _that _way… I should believe him as well when he told me he hasn't dated anyone.

Well, those weren't his exact words. He said he's never had a girlfriend—not surprising I guess. Does that imply that he's had boyfriends, though…? It's a… weird thought. Then again, he also said he doesn't know what it's like to date anybody. I guess that means it's all theoretical. But if he's never dated guys, how does he know he likes them…?

What if… what if he's slept with guys? Just the thought of that gives me a really strange feeling… Akira doesn't seem like the type who would sleep around, but maybe I don't know him as well as I thought. There's no way I could outright ask him…

But how the fuck could he hide this for so long? This is clearly important! If he's my best friend, he should've told me as soon as he found out… Maybe he doesn't know for sure yet.

I wonder if he's ever kissed a guy…

Maybe I should just talk to him about it. I mean, it's not like I'd quit talking to him or anything now… Yuujirou and Tooru are my friends, after all, and they're just about as gay as they come.

What would I do without him, anyway? He's the only person I hang out with most of the time—the only person I _want_ to, really. Everybody else is weird.

But I wonder how things are going to change between us now… I mean, why should they? If he's gay today, he was gay yesterday, and whether I knew or not before, I was hanging out with a gay guy. No—that's not right; I was hanging out with my best friend. He's not just some gay guy. I guess I'll settle for "my best friend who enjoys penis"…a guy who likes other guys. That's okay, isn't it? 'm still allowed to stay friends with a gay guy when I'm straight? Maybe he should have gay friends instead…

Well, he does have Yuujirou and Tooru, I guess.

But even if he wants more gay friends, I wonder if he'll still be _my_ friend.

I guess that's kind of stupid… If he was going to stop being my friend because he's gay, I'm sure this whole thing would've taken place much sooner. Besides, I still want to be his friend.

And… as his friend, I'm going to talk to him. If he's sucking dicks in his spare time, or taking two cocks up the ass at one time, I don't particularly care to hear the details… but if he has problems, I should help him, shouldn't I? I should be a good friend and ask him if he's alright, at least…

First things first, though: I need to make sure he knows I still want us to be friends.

Even if he's a fairy.


	6. Chapter 6

I still haven't talked to Mikoto. I haven't even seen him around. I would have to assume he's avoiding me, but I talked to Yuujirou and now… I don't know.

We had a substitute teacher in P.E. who only made us walk the track, so it was pretty easy to socialize with friends for practically the whole class. I walked silently next to him for what felt like forever until I finally found the courage to say what I was thinking.

"Yuujirou, can I… talk to you about something?" I asked nervously, my voice shaking a little.

He turned his head and looked at me inquisitively. "Sure, what is it?" he replied, and I'm sure he was surprised. I don't have a tendency to speak much, especially with such a serious tone…

"I think… N-no… I know I am…" I mumbled, my nervous rambling completely incoherent. I can speak easily in front of a crowd, but talking about myself tends to make me nervous… "I'm gay."

Yuujirou looked at me for a second, then nodded slowly a few times. I didn't expect him to judge me, given his own position, so I didn't have _that_ fear, at least.

"How do you know?"

"I-I… I think maybe I… I think I might have feelings for… f-for Mikoto…" My words were almost incomprehensible; it was the first time I'd ever said anything like that aloud before. I wasn't sure how Yuujirou would respond.

Thankfully, calmly. "Are you sure?" he asked me, giving me a very serious look. I gulped and nodded slowly. "How did you… ah… come to this conclusion?"

I flushed fourteen different shades of red. There are just some things people shouldn't have to share…

"I-I-I've h-had… dreams… fa-fantasies…" I mumbled.

"What?" He couldn't understand me.

"I dream about him!" I spat, my voice shaking, but clear this time.

"What kind of dreams…?" Yuujirou asked me somewhat cautiously. "Like… sex dreams?"

My reddened face glowed even more. "S-some of them… yes… B-but there're also dreams like… like he and I falling in love, or even a kiss…" I began to get lost in my thoughts as images of his lips against mine flooded my mind, and my heart fluttered.

"Oh yeah," I heard Yuujirou say after a few seconds (or hours; I'd lost track) of my spacing out. "You definitely like him. That dreamy look on your face says it all."

If at all possible, my face got redder.

"What should I do…?" I asked defeatedly after a few more seconds. "I told him I'm gay… It was sort of a slip of the tongue, but it's not a lie… You don't think he'll stop talking to me, do you…?"

I felt infinitely scared until Yuujirou laughed lightly—dismissively—as if my plight were nothing.

"As if," he replied, rolling his eyes a little. "If he hasn't talked you since, he's probably just confused. If you want my honest opinion," and he paused to adjust his ponytail, which was beginning to fall, "then you should just talk to him. Be honest. Tell him how you're feeling and give him time to respond. He'll probably try and tell you he's not gay…"

I felt my heart fall a little at those words.

"…but I still think Megumi-chan was just a hoax in the first place."

I smiled lightly, a small chuckle escaping me. Yuujirou would never let that go; I knew it.

"Thanks, Yuujirou," I told him, and I really meant it.

"It's no problem, Akira." Yuujirou continued to make changes to his ponytail, deciding eventually to just pull the tie out and redo it completely. "And good luck. I think you'll do alright."

Since our conversation, I've just been waiting until I find him again… I just want to wait until he approaches me… I'm still afraid I scared him when I told him I'm gay. Maybe he's only avoiding me because he's nervous…

But… why?


	7. Chapter 7

Tooru told me that Sakamoto-san likes somebody. It's somebody our age. Apparently I know him, too. Nobody in particular comes to mind, and it bugs the shit out of me that I can't figure it out. I mean, he specifically said, "Well, it's somebody you know," really snidely, like he was trying to be such a cute little smartass about it. Tooru isn't as innocent as he looks.

I don't know that many people at our school personally to begin with. Most of those fucking weirdoes aren't worth getting to know in the first place, so why even bother? I mean… I know a lot of people, but none of them personally. Then again, he never said I knew the guy personally.

I originally thought maybe I'd talk to Yuujirou, but I only knew how he'd respond to this whole situation: he'd just laugh at me and tell me that life in the closet isn't _nearly_ as fun as life outside the closet, and that I should take a couple steps out sometime.

(He'd used those exact fucking words about thirty thousand times.)

Eventually I decided to ask Tooru instead. For the most part, he listened alright and wasn't mean about it or anything. But the one time he told me it's somebody I know… he sounded suspiciously coy for just a couple seconds, like he knows something I don't. I mean, besides the identity of the person Sakamoto-san supposedly likes…

Anyway, so our conversation went something like this:

It was lunchtime and I'd already finished eating (alone). I ate quickly, having no conversation with Sakamoto-san to distract me and make me eat slower, so I was done within ten minutes, and I didn't have the energy or courage to find Sakamoto-san at that moment.

Instead, I felt like I needed to talk to somebody. After wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, I found Tooru sitting with a few other guys at a table in the cafeteria, and I asked him very sincerely if I could talk to him.

"Hey, Kouno… can I talk to you for a few minutes?" Of course, it ended up much longer than that alleged "few minutes".

So he agreed and followed me out near the fountain where I'd sat with Sakamoto-san just a couple days earlier. At this point, I'd rather have drowned myself in the fountain before having this conversation, but it wouldn't be as bad with Tooru.

"Sakamoto-san told me he's gay," I began, watching the water flow through the fountain.

"I know," Tooru responded simply. "I heard."

"Heard? From who?" I asked, my voice displaying probably a tad more than a little annoyance. Was it common knowledge or something? Did I _just_ fucking find out?

"Yuujirou told me. He heard from Akira himself yesterday. What does that have to do with you?" His question was simple, and it wasn't a teasing or mean tone. It made me angry, though, because I didn't know the answer for sure.

"I… I'm his best friend—that's what!" I said, my voice coming off a little more desperate than I intended. "It's… it's a big thing, learning that your best friend's gay. I don't know anything about it. Is he going out with somebody? Has he had his heart broken? For all I know, he's got sex friends that I don't even know about!" I made a noise of frustration that was somewhere between a groan and a growl. "I can't ask him myself!"

Tooru smiled lightly for a moment, seeming to be deep in thought, and in a wise sort of way—like he was thinking about whether he should tell me something or not.

"He's not seeing anyone," he said after a few more seconds of thoughtful silence. I wanted to tear out my hair to make up for Tooru's imminent calmness. "But I can tell you… Akira _does_ like somebody."

"He does?" I exclaimed, my jaw dropping. If Sakamoto-san liked somebody—a guy—then it was for sure that he was gay. It wasn't theoretical after all!

"Yeah. They would make such a cute couple. Akira's completely convinced it's unrequited, though. It's sad."

I nearly jumped in the air. "Well?" I asked eagerly, not sure if I was eager in a positive or negative way. "Who the hell is it?"

"They're our age." When I glared, Tooru's next words were the only sneaky ones he spoke, "Well, it's somebody you know." As soon as the last word left his mouth, we both heard the bell ring that signaled the start of the next class. The late bell would ring in another five minutes. Tooru began to walk away and I tried to stop him.

"Hey, wait! Kouno!"

"Sorry, I'll talk to you later. I can't be late."

I groaned and kicked the ground. A lot of good that did me.

So now, late Thursday night, I can only sit here and try to think of who the fuck Sakamoto-san could possibly like. I have his cell phone number, and I could call him if I wanted to… but when I talk to him, I want to be face to face. I want him to know I'm not lying when I say I still want to be friends.

But if he likes somebody, and they become more than friends, I guess Sakamoto-san will start spending all of his time with that guy instead of me. It's not like he has to choose, but that's just the way the world seems to work most of the time, however fucking unfair…

What if I come up with a plan to effectively have a serious conversation with Sakamoto-san about all of this _and_ assure that we stay friends?

I don't know if I'll be able to do it, but I have an idea.

I need tomorrow to come faster.

I need to talk to Sakamoto-san.

* * *

**Sorry for the shortness of the last few chapters, but I promise things'll start happening soon! (; Next chapter, in particular, should be rather eventful. Starting next chapter, there should be something interesting in every chapter, so sorry if the dry spell is boring you. D: Anyway, if it follows the pattern, the next chapter should be coming ****very**** soon. But it never hurts to leave encouraging reviews just in case… ;D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry, guys. I've been getting into the habit of producing short chapters for this fic. I think it kind of fits with perspectives, though. I don't want to overkill it from any of the points of view. Anyway, nobody's been reviewing or subscribing since my rampage of new chapters, so I don't think many people are reading. Besides AppleLove and my other best friend Dannie... Dannie reads my drafts in school! Anyway, hope you enjoy. Something finally happens this chapter!**

* * *

I think I'm dreaming.

Today was only a Friday like any other day this week: a day full of distraction as I thought of Mikoto and his avoiding me. Classes ended quickly and I was heading back to my dorm when someone called out to me.

"Sakamoto-san!"

I recognized the voice and froze in place, wondering if maybe I was hallucinating. I turned back around slowly and felt myself freeze up completely as I saw Mikoto approach me.

"M…Mikoto," I said, my voice soft and anxious, feeling the pressing urge to run away. Maybe not literally, but definitely figuratively.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, his face very serious. It made me nervous; what if he'd discovered what I told Yuujirou?

"Sure," I said quietly, and he gestured for me to follow him. I did, and we walked, seeming aimless for a long while before he finally broke the silence.

"I'm okay with it," I heard him say, and I took a deep breath. I knew what he meant, but he chose to clarify it anyway. "You… being g-gay, I mean."

Hearing him say that aloud made me flush, but I was happy. "Really…?" I asked lamely, stumbling over even just one word nervously, trying not to get my hopes up too much. I didn't want to be disappointed if he changed his mind.

"Yeah," he sighed. "It… freaked me out a little at first, but I'm okay now. When it comes down to it, you're still… my closest friend. I really don't want that to change."

I flushed even more. "Do you mean that…?" I said quietly, my voice breaking. I probably looked like I was in heaven, or maybe that I was going to cry, but I was (and still am) infinitely happy to hear him say what he did.

"Yeah."

We both were quiet for a few moments before he spoke up again.

"Uh… Kouno told me that you told Shihoudani you like somebody." His voice quivered and I froze, immediately expecting the worst: Yuujirou told Tooru and Tooru told Mikoto. No secrets among the princesses…

When I didn't reply, he inquired further.

"Who is it?"

I sighed in relief—he _didn't_ know. "I-I… um…" I couldn't bring myself to say anything. My face was red as I thought of Yuujirou telling me I should just tell him.

"How do you know for sure you're gay?" he asked me, and I coughed, glad he was changing the subject. This question would be a little easier to answer… "Have you even ever kissed a guy before? Or a girl?"

I sighed shakily. "No. Never."

"Then… how do you know?" he repeated, softer this time; gentler. "Can you know for sure if you don't try?" I couldn't utter a word; I was nervous beyond comprehensible speech.

"I… I want to k-kiss boys…" I stuttered, feeling on the verge of tears. "O-or… _a_ boy… in particular…"

"How do you know that you'll _like_ kissing guys?"

I froze completely, his questions making me incredibly distressed. I felt like I would burst into sobs at any moment from the pressure.

That's when it happened.

I felt a pair of quivering, trembling lips against my own, and all of a sudden I didn't feel apprehensive anymore.

He kissed me.

He _kissed_ me.

He… kissed me. Mikoto's lips were on mine, pressed close together. I was scared—scared because I was totally unsure of why he was doing this, first of all—and scared because I didn't know how to respond. Like I said; I'd never kissed anybody before that very moment.

Even those worries melted away after a few seconds, though, when I felt his mouth begin to move a little and his lips kneaded mine softly. I then remembered how he must have tons more experience than me because of dating Megumi, and I felt self-conscious.

However inexperienced I was, I realized soon enough that I needed to do _something_, and I tried parting my lips a little bit and kissing him back carefully. I was confused and scared I was doing something wrong, but regardless I was in heaven, and I wasn't about to put an end to it. He didn't seem to be ending it either, though, and I began to wonder how long this could go on.

We kissed for maybe another fifteen seconds before he pulled away gently, leaving my lips feeling cold. My eyes remained closed; I didn't want the moment to end, and I knew it would the moment I was back in reality.

But Mikoto's face remained close to mine—so close that I could feel his breath—and I left my eyes slide open reluctantly. His eyes were glossed over, and I'm sure mine were as well… and Mikoto looked kind of… out to lunch; like he'd left the building. (Just an expression—we were outside.)

"Now… now you know… what it's like," he mumbled, his face slowly getting further away… but not far enough to claim any sort of innocence.

I didn't say anything—what could I have said in such a situation?

"M-make sure you don't tell the person you like about this…" Mikoto told me, his voice just above a whisper. "He probably wouldn't like it."

I dared to speak. "He… already knows," I mumbled, gathering all my courage. If that much had already happened, I might as well take that leap of faith.

Mikoto might overreact sometimes, but he isn't stupid; he understood what I meant, I could tell. He had a serious, thoughtful look for a few seconds, his eyes falling to the ground between us.

"Can you come over to my dorm later?" he asked, and my heart skipped one or five beats.

I nodded slowly, completely unsure of what to expect.

"I… I really need to talk to you." He looked around. "This isn't a good place."

"O…okay," I breathed, my heart beating a million miles an hour.

He told me "later," so I'll wait for "later."

Later.


	9. Chapter 9

**SO, my faithful readers, happy summer! I'm officially out of school! Yep. School ended earlier today, and I'll have a lot of time to write fanfiction! (Or so I hope—I said the exact same thing last summer, but I didn't end up posting ANY new chapters.) I, unfortunately, have a lot of AP homework to do over the summer, and that's my priority, but I'll write whenever I get the time (and feel inspired). Anywho, I think I might've mentioned that there would be smut in this chapter… but there's not… sorry! There is in the next chapter, though. (I promise this time. The next chapter is already written.)**

* * *

I kissed him.

I don't know why I did it, but I kissed him.

I kissed him and it felt great.

His lips were soft like Megumi's, but not sticky with lip gloss or mushy and weak. His scent was enough to drive me in without choking me with perfume and body spray. I didn't have to wipe his face powder off myself when I pulled away. Everything about the kiss was exactly what I would define as perfect, except for one tiny detail…

IT WAS WITH SAKAMOTO-SAN.

If you noticed how all my pronouns in the description of the kiss were "he" and "his", that's why. Today I effectively have revoked pretty much every claim and argument I've made this far to defend my heterosexuality, and I didn't even fucking mean to. To top it all off, when I pulled away from him, I made the mistake of having him over. Yep. I invited him to my room because I wanted to talk. What was running through my mind, I haven't the slightest clue.

Guess what happened next.

…Yeah, I'll tell you anyway.

So there I sat, all by myself on the edge of my bed, waiting for Sakamoto-san to knock on my door or whatever. I could feel my heart beating in my head, my throat, my ears… pretty much everywhere. I felt more nervous than I had ever felt before, and even if I knew why, I didn't want to admit it.

And whether I was truly anticipating it or not, something happened that I surely wasn't prepared for.

When the knock came, I was expecting it, but it surprised me a little anyway. I got up from my place on the bed and took a few deep breaths before willing myself to go and answer the door, though I felt more like running away.

When I opened the door, Sakamoto-san wore an expression that could melt a heart made of steel; he looked even more scared and nervous than me… which is saying a lot, as I'm sure I looked considerably frightened myself. Even if I didn't do anything, his expression alone made me feel like a bad person.

"Sakamoto-san… are you okay?" I asked him carefully, my voice (fortunately) not as shaky as I thought it'd be.

He flashed me a small, tired smile. "I-I don't know yet," he said, his voice nervous. I knew what he meant.

So only at that point did I remember he was here because I told him I wanted to talk—and I realized I had no idea what I wanted to say. It was obvious what the subject of the discussion would be, but I didn't know the outcome I wanted.

"O-oh," I said, sounding a little dumb, but I didn't know what else to say. "S-so… come in." I gestured behind me and stepped aside politely, my face red as he walked by me and thanked me softly.

My legs shook slightly as I resituated myself at my spot at the edge of my bed, and I took a deep breath as I contemplated asking him to sit next to me. It didn't sound like a good idea—even if some weird-ass part of me thought it did.

I was losing my mind, I just knew it.

Thankfully, there was also an armchair readily available in the corner—my savior. I pointed at it weakly. "You can sit down, if you want," I said, the awkwardness in the air so thick that it was almost choking. The only sounds in the room were both our breathing.

"Thanks…" he said, his voice almost a whisper as he sat down quietly, sinking back into the chair a little. He looked into my eyes, searching me with a terrified expression, like he was afraid of what I was going to say.

"Look, I'm sorry…" I began, my throat feeling like it would swell shut. Inside, I was enraged with myself for being so weak. "I mean, for… well, you know…"

"You don't have to be sorry…" Sakamoto-san mumbled, breaking our eye contact to look into his lap. I was afraid he'd say something like that.

"I don't know why I did it," I continued headstrong, ignoring him to say what was on my mind. "I'm… not gay." I wasn't lying to him—I still don't think I'm gay, even if nobody will believe me after this…

"I… I know," he replied, and I felt terrible as I heard the hurt in his voice. He still wasn't looking at me, and was he… crying?

"You're a guy… and I'm a guy," I stated, rather obviously, but I was trying to get somewhere. "I want to kiss girls, but… earlier, when we were so close… I wanted to kiss you, too." I groaned and rubbed at my temples. "Fuck, Sakamoto-san… I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize," he said quietly, but he sounded sure. "Please. If you want, w-we can just forget… that anything ever happened." No, I don't think he was crying, but he was close.

"I… don't know if I could do that," I admitted, and I'm sure my voice conveyed the frustration I was feeling.

"…Me either," he mumbled; then we were both quiet.

I hadn't yet asked the question that had been on my mind since he first implied it, and I was desperate for anything to fill the silence. "Sakamoto-san… am I really the one you like?"

He clenched the hands in his lap into fists and I watched him take a gigantic breath as he apparently tried to calm himself. "P-please, forgive me, Mikoto…" he stuttered, and he sounded like he was trying his best not to choke up. "Yes, it's you."

I felt confused. "Why?" I asked him, not meaning to but almost sounding accusing. "What appeal to do I have to another guy?"

"Why…?" he echoed, and I saw a small smile form on his lips. "You're… you're never mean or bitter toward me like you act around Tooru and Yuujirou… And you don't call me 'Sakamoto-sama'… And you're not intimidated by my position in the student council like everybody else is…" His voice faded out, but I found myself wanting to hear more.

"But isn't that just being friendly?" I inquired, careful to be gentler this time.

"M…maybe it is," Sakamoto-san continued, "but you're not friendly with many people. F-forgive me… but it almost makes me feel… special—in a good way."

"Stop asking me to forgive you," I commanded, rubbing my temples again and feeling more confused and frustrated than ever. He was making me feel like apologizing myself, and for what, I don't know. "Please." He nodded sheepishly and I went on. "You're my best friend, Sakamoto-san. Something inside me made me k-kiss you earlier, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I… I liked it." I paused to catch my breath. "I'm not gay. I don't want to ruin my only good friendship because I got caught up in the heat of the moment."

"I understand," he breathed shakily.

"Did… did _you_ like the kiss?" I asked suddenly, but carefully. I really was curious.

I saw him flush pink and bury his face in his hands. "I-i-it… was perfect," he said, his voice muffled by his hands.

I felt myself blush now, and I felt proud for a moment. Megumi-chan always told me I was a good kisser, and Sakamoto-san was all I proof I need.

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed suddenly, his hands falling back to his lap and his eyes meeting mine. He was teary. "I can't control how I feel, Mikoto. I didn't choose to have feelings for you, but I do. I didn't choose to like you any more than you chose to like Megumi-chan."

My eyes fell to my lap in thought. I hadn't considered that it was like that.

So he… didn't choose to like me…

I heard small sobs coming from the armchair and I snapped my head up so quickly I felt whiplashed. I studied Sakamoto-san, whose eyes were buried in his palms, and his chest heaved; he was crying. Fuck, if I didn't feel guilty as hell…

I rose from my spot on the bed slowly, mapping out every single muscle movement I made so I wouldn't fall flat on my stupid face. I couldn't deal with seeing my best friend so upset.

"Sakamoto-san…" I sighed when I stood directly in front of where he sat. Fuck, fuck, fuck—I couldn't control myself. I must be a better person than I think I am.

He looked up at me as his eyes leaked, and I outstretched my arms a little to show him some degree of gentility.

Then he was in my arms, his face in the crook of my neck as he cried like a baby and his arms wrapped around my torso firmly. It made my heart race to think about how this must be exactly what he wanted, and I was giving it to him. Was I only making him like me more? My arms stretched around his back and held him firmly. It felt almost… nice.

* * *

**I'd like to give special thanks and a shout-out to my best friend Dannie (I don't think she has a fanfic account, but I could be wrong…) for being my sort-of beta reader (she reads my first drafts in fifth period [or she did until school got out]) ANDANDAND, for posting my new chapters for a little while whilst I'm going through a frustrating web-drought. (We have the crappiest phone line ever and we might just switch to getting wireless internet from Verizon…) Anyway, I won't bore you with that. Dannie, thank youuu! I love you! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, I know you've been waiting for it. Here is the chapter that FINALLY has some smut in it. ****HOWEVER****, I promise that it's limited and perhaps even softcore. I can't make Akira say all these dirty things! Sorry if you're disappointed, hahah. Enjoy!~ Don't forget to review!**

* * *

Being in Mikoto's arms alone is more than I ever could've wished for.

But maybe all the wishing _did_ help—I got more than I ever _thought_ about praying for.

What happened is only my fantasy… or at least it _was_ a fantasy…

So there I stood, and as soon as I felt Mikoto's arms wrap around me my crying began to cease. It didn't take long until I'd stopped completely and I remained quiet for a few seconds before I brought my head back a little to search his eyes for an answer to why he'd do this.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Sakamoto-san…" he sighed, just like he'd done right before he hugged me, and I shuddered a little in his grasp.

"Can you call me Akira…?" I asked him shyly. I'd wished for this since before I could remember, but he never caught on—even when I started calling him by his own first name.

Next, in what felt like a blur of action, I felt him press our lips together for the second time that day, and instead of questioning it this time, I just let my face flush red and I kissed him back as aptly as I knew how. It was only three or four seconds before he moved to pull us apart again and I panicked inside—was I doing it wrong? Remaining close enough for me to feel his warm breath on my lips, he looked into my eyes, and I swear I saw a little twinkle. It made my heart skip a beat.

"Open your mouth a little more," he told me softly before coming back, and there we were, kissing again.

I quickly did as he told me and parted my lips more than before—only to nearly die of pleasant shock when he slipped his tongue into my mouth dominantly.

Only in my dreams.

Except for the fact that I was almost certain I was still in reality, and it was still happening.

And at that moment, I was thinking, _if he doesn't think he's gay, that's fine. I don't care. His lips on mine is enough._

I tried my best to mirror his moves, but in such was probably only displaying my lack of experience in kissing. He was kissing me silly, beyond all cognitive senses, so I barely noticed when his arms unwrapped from around my back and one hand came to rest on my waist and the other cupped the side of my face tenderly.

I almost missed it, but I surely didn't.

I unbound my own arms from his torso only to realize I wasn't sure of what to do with them, so I grabbed onto his shoulders gently, almost symbolic, showing that I didn't want him to go—ever.

Feeling his hands on me nearly made me go crazy. Everything about the situation was driving me up a wall, because it was exactly like one of my many dreams… but real. I could feel the effects of Mikoto's touches everywhere, as if they were setting small fires on me that were spreading like wildfire. I was getting hard, too, but I hoped he wouldn't notice. I was afraid of freaking him out.

I didn't hope hard enough, though; he caught me.

"Do you want me to touch you… Akira?" he asked me, pulling our lips apart and using my first name like I'd asked.

"P-please…" I whimpered, trying to milk the moment for all it was worth. At this point, I was convinced that this was the most realistic dream I'd ever had, and no matter how lifelike it seemed, it would all fade away when I woke up.

His lips were back on mine in an instant and he fumbled with the buttons and zipper of my slacks nimbly, getting them out of the way in no time. In nearly no time flat, he had me moaning into our kiss like the sensitive virgin I was. He stroked me up and down over and over again and I got closer and closer to the edge. I was beginning to feel faint. I separated our mouths quickly as I approached my end as not to bite his tongue off trying not to scream in pleasure. I'm surprised I could stand.

"Mi…Mikoto," I called out softly, trying not to embarrass myself further by making too much noise. (I was already thoroughly humiliated by the pathetic length of time I was lasting.) I bucked my hips involuntarily as I came, releasing with a gentle cry and experiencing the greatest orgasm I'd ever had in any of my dreams. When he knew I was finished, Mikoto kissed me again. My dreams weren't usually this creative. His tongue swirled around mine for a matter of seconds before I froze solid—one of his hands grabbed onto one of mine and he brought it down to his own, err… private area.

He was hard, too.

I could hardly believe it. Kissing me, a guy, had turned him on.

"Fuck, Akira…" he breathed as our mouths parted temporarily, "touch me, too."

For that moment that our mouths weren't wrestling and he commanded me to do to him as he'd just done to me, I examined his face. Regardless of whether it was reality or a dream, Mikoto was still Mikoto. His face was red as a tomato and he wore a stubborn expression that still claimed to be straight.

Then when we resumed the kiss and I touched him, skin-to-skin, I felt a spark. Not a literal static shock, but an immediate urgency that pressed me to continue. I could feel him melting into my touch, even if I was another guy, and within minutes I was close to wearing his release on my shirt.

"A-Akira…!" he choked out as he thrust into my hand and came, having ended our kiss just moments before. He decorated the front of my uniform polo with his essence, and I didn't care. I was proud to have it there.

We stood in a quiet heat for a moment, and I thought about the situation carefully, and wondered when I'd wake up.

"I'm dreaming," I told him softly, a small yet disappointed smile making its way to my lips. "I know I am."

"Maybe…" he sighed. "But this feels so… real."

I nodded, still in shock somewhere in my mind, but less so with the thought that this would all be over once my alarm rang. It usually ended far before I had the chance to touch Mikoto—I knew I didn't have long left.

"This… this doesn't mean I'm gay."

I snapped back to look at Mikoto's pouting face, laughing softly at his bullheadedness.

_Maybe I'm not dreaming,_ I pondered.

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**I like how this turned out. What do you guys think? Review and let me know! Another thank-you to Dannie for uploading this chapter for me. I don't know what I (or you, the readers) would do without her! Hope she doesn't mind the shameless namedropping, lulz. C: Also, I plan for the next chapter (chapter 11) to be the last, but we'll see… we'll see. Lemme know what you think. Later, guys!**


	11. Chapter 11

**So, here is the last chapter! I've been able to check some of my reviews, but I still don't have internet, so I don't know when I'll be able to post this chapter. It's done on July 5****th****, so we'll see how long it takes! (EDIT: It's July 29th, and I'm just now uploading it!) I could have internet as soon as this weekend… I sure hope so! And Dannie is in California right now, otherwise I'd have her post it for me. I have no way of getting her the chapter! D: Anyway. This is the last chapter! I hope you all enjoy it!**

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I'm _not_ gay.

I hate it when people assume that just because a guy holds hands with another guy who just happens to be gay that they're _both_ gay.

Sure, Akira might be my boyfriend, and maybe we kiss sometimes and maybe we fool around just because it feels good, but that doesn't mean that _I'm _gay!

Akira's just a… special case. I like him. He's my best friend, but at the same time, so much more. And don't bother arguing with me—I hear enough of that shit from Tooru and Yuujirou. Mostly Yuujirou. He says I have no case left to defend myself and that there's just no point, but I'm not giving up. Not just any guy could be to me what Akira is—I know that for sure.

Going out with Akira is almost like going out with a girl anyway…

He's so shy all the time. I'm trying to get him to open up more, and I think it might be working, but slowly. It's sort of hard, too, when I'm still trying to get used to the idea of liking a guy…

What I find amazing is how easy it's been to adjust to dating someone who isn't a girl. It's easy to admit as long as I don't have to use the "G" word. I don't think Akira minds—he seems really happy, and it makes me happy when I think about myself being the cause. I didn't feel like this when I was going out with Megumi. Touching her wasn't the only thing on my mind, and I wasn't constantly wishing she was around. Some part of me won't let Akira escape my thoughts, and it's kind of nice… albeit a little inconvenient at times.

Besides all the bull I get from them, Tooru and Yuujirou have by far been our biggest supporters… but they keep trying to get us to double-date with them, and I just don't know if I want to deal with that. Showing them my romantic side (especially toward a guy)? Fuck no! They'd never let me live it down!

But I'm sure what you're wondering now is how we came to start officially "dating" anyway. I guess I can share all that.

So after all of that, uhh, business that happened in my room that night, Akira kept telling me that he was dreaming. I didn't know for sure. I thought maybe he was right for a while. Pretty soon Akira left—even if part of me wanted to make him stay—making the excuse that we had school the next day, and apparently he wasn't ready to break his stupid perfect attendance record yet. So I went to bed that night feeling pretty fucking distracted. It pissed me off that I couldn't think about anything else but what happened between us. I kept telling myself to go to sleep and eventually it worked, and part of me was hoping that I'd wake up the next morning and find out the whole thing had just been a dream.

No such luck.

In the morning when I woke up, the first thing I did was groggily make my way over to the trash can by my desk where we had supposedly thrown away the tissues we used to clean up… And, of course, I immediately found the tissues. But they were dried and unidentifiable. They could've just as easily been from a person blowing their nose and _not_ their load.

Next I checked the clothes I'd been wearing when that had happened. It was my uniform polo (Akira had been wearing his, too) and a pair of slacks. I picked them up from their spots as crumpled messes on my floor and inspected them carefully. The slacks didn't seem too out of place—just a little stiff—but the polo had that unmistakable stain on the front of it. I dropped the shirt and rubbed at the bridge of my nose in frustration. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

Well, first, I had to get ready for school, and I didn't have my polo shirt to wear. The weather was a little too warm to wear a blazer that morning, which pissed me off, because that was my only option. Or a jizzed-upon polo. The blazer sounded just a little better.

So I threw on my clothes (with my warm-as-shit blazer) and left my room. I was way too tense as I walked toward the school building for my first class; I wasn't as scared of running into Akira as Tooru or _especially_ Yuujirou. If Akira had said even a _word_ to either of them, Yuujirou would sniff me out like a stupid fucking blood hound and bust my ass for both wittingly and willingly jacking off _and _being jacked off by a guy.

Fortunately for me, I didn't run into Tooru or Yuujirou. (Then again, I didn't even know if they knew. Yet.) But as I got a little closer to the front of the building, I saw Akira walking as well, and I felt my body nearly go into shock. He was in his blazer, too—further proof that what happened might've been reality. We were practically the only people around not wearing our polos.

I felt my legs carry me until I was only a few short steps behind Akira, and I took a breath so deep I thought it would pop my lungs for a second before I reached forward with my hand and I grabbed his. He whipped his head around in surprise to look at me, and when he saw it was me his face flushed pink and he gave me a small, shy smile. I walked a little faster so I caught up to his side and wordlessly kept walking. I hoped he wouldn't make me talk; it was hard enough to pull this off when I knew there were people around.

"Good morning, Sa—I mean, Akira," I choked out after a few seconds, stuttering when I remembered that he'd asked me to call him Akira instead of Sakamoto-san the previous night. I was becoming more and more aware that what happened did indeed happen.

"Good… good morning," he replied, his voice soft, and it my heart picked up speed when I thought of how that innocent little voice of his sounded when he was being touched. By me. Damnit.

After that morning, it became a sort of ritual for us to hold hands, and the day after that I kissed him again for the first time since that one night. I won't lie—it felt kind of fucking amazing. Then two days after that I had him over to my dorm room… and this time we might've messed around a little more than we did the first night. That night, he asked me what had been on both our minds for the whole week since that very first kiss.

"Mikoto…?" he said, his voice tired as he lay in my arms after we'd… yeah.

"…Yeah?" I asked, pretty much equally as tired as him. We didn't go all the way (not that it's any of your business _anyway_), but far too far to pretend nothing happened.

Akira nuzzled his head against my shoulder and sighed. "What… are we?"

I knew exactly what he meant, but to avoid answering right away and give myself time to think, I pretended I didn't. "What do you mean?" I asked, feigning confusion as best I could.

He was quiet for a few seconds, and I thought for a moment that he had fallen asleep. "Are we just friends?" he asked me after another few seconds, and his arm that was draped over my abdomen tensed up.

I was using every fucking curse word in my vocabulary in my head at that moment. I was hoping to hell that I would never have to answer that. That would involve admitting that I have romantic feelings for a male. Fuck my life.

"If we were just friends, I wouldn't hold your hand all the time. I wouldn't kiss you… I wouldn't… do… stuff like this…" I kind of trailed off as I tried to explain. There just wasn't a way to justify what we were doing that wasn't either cruel or gay. Fucking gay. I groaned. "Wouldn't it suck for you if we were just friends? How do you feel about me, Akira?"

"I… I love you," Akira replied, his voice shaking. "I already told you that…"

"I feel the same way," I mumbled, nowhere near ready to use the "L" word. Still not. I wasn't even sure if I said that loud, much less audibly.

I felt him scoot in closer to me and his body relaxed. "I'm glad," he whispered (and I could hear the smile in his voice), his breath against my skin making me shiver a little, god damnit.

So now you know. I stand somewhere between homophobe and cocksucker—but I'm still not gay. Gay implies that you like guys, which I don't. I like _a_ guy. I've never had any feelings like this for another guy before. (Or a girl, really…)

And we'll see about double-dating with Tooru and Yuujirou. I know Akira wants to…

And really, whether he's aware of it or not, all I really want to do is make him happy. I know I don't act like it. But I'd like to think that I've done an okay job of making Akira happy so far… After all, when it comes down to it, he was my best friend to start. And he's still my best friend.

Especially now, there isn't much that Akira doesn't know about me. But I want to make him happy more than anything—even if that makes me just a _little_ gay.

I only want to make him happy… and I guess that's what he doesn't know.

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I worked very hard to try and make it conclusive and still tie in with the beginning. I really hope you liked the ending, so definitely let me know! I plan on writing some more Princess Princess stuff, and soon maybe. Either Tomoe/Kiriya or Yuujirou/Tooru… I haven't decided yet. Let me know what you guys think! Thank you so much for reading this story!**


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